Off to the Middle Ages

This weekend we will be leaving for the Society for Creative Anachronism's Pennsic Wars in Pennsylvania. This is the 41st war and will be the 9th one we have attended. Its is kind of like a Renfaire on steroids.  It is our chief family vacation each year. Although many of my friends think the idea of getting away to the Middle Ages for a bit is interesting, most of them don't think much of the camping in the woods for 2 weeks part. Camping is an activity we enjoy though, so that is not a bother for us, not even dealing with the (well maintained) porta-johns for 2 weeks.

This picture gives a small idea of the scale of Pennsic, you can see maybe a tenth of the household tents plus the merchant areas and the battlefield.

 Going to Pennsic is like nothing else I have ever attended (contrary to the popular belief by my children I was too young to attend Woodstock). Ten thousand plus people all of them in period clothing when they leave their camps, from all over North America, and other parts of the world as well. Most people camp in households, groups of friends anywhere from 3 or 4 to dozens.Merchants come from all over the country with wares that would only be available on line the rest of the year: Costumes, armor, swords, leather goods, medieval books, toys and specialty craft supplies. Lost arts (in our society) like spinning, blacksmithing, silversmithing, pewter casting and glass blowing are practiced, and can even be learned. One can fight like knights, shoot arrows like Robin Hood, dance like a member of the court of Henry VIII, throw axes, or simply attend classes on any of of these topics and plenty of others.

Pennsic University, where everyone shares their knowledge with everyone else is one of the high points for me. Over the years I have attended classes on how to cook a medieval feast, witchcraft persecutions, the effect of the bubonic plague on history, stage directions in Shakespeare's texts, depictions of King Arthur on film,  being a medieval pirate, preserving food without a cooler, and biographical classes on a number of people from this time period. I even ventured to teach a class once, on a particular knight from the court of King Richard the Lionhearted.

Over the years my children have learned alot about archery and thrown weapons and dance and Elizabethan theatre, not to mention period costuming. They have made friends from all over the States as well as Canada that they look forward to seeing each year. They have learned to never make fun of men in kilts. They have learned to live in an extended household for 2 weeks time (we camp with another family). They have also learned alot about virtues like chivalry and courage that are valued differently, if at all in our society today.  Maybe the most important lesson is that after doing without electricity, most electronic items, most news of the outside world and especially flush toilets for 2 weeks, they appreciate their conveniences all the more when they get back home.

For me there are 2 main appeals, beyond down time with the family and general diffusion of knowledge. One is that the theatre person within me loves all the costuming and ritual. The other is that there are no (visible) cell phones around....let alone land line phones. Indeed it is considered the height of rudeness to have that most pervasive of anachronisms announce  its presence. For a 911 operator, not hearing a phone ring for 2 weeks is full blown Nirvana.

There is also a slower pace to days. Although some events do take place

on a specific schedule, a lot of other happen when they happen. Not only do I not have to hear phones for 2 weeks I don't hear an alarm clock either. Also one walks to things. Most people have forgotten how to walk to something that is more than a block away. Walking imposes many things (what do I take with me when I go out that I must carry, how much time do I 

allow to walk 1/2 to be where I need to be.)It allows time for winsome detours like following a labrynth. Its also nice not to worry about the price of gas, or all those other drivers, for a whole 2 weeks.

For the kids Pennsic has provided chances to be independent in a relatively safe space...to make a little money selling ice to camps, to walk about with friends without excessive parental hovering. The wide variety of activities both keeps them busy and allows each to pursue their own interests.

They also get to do chores like wood chopping and fire building that allows them to feel the camp really depends on them (at least for dinner) in a way it doesn't at home.

And never underestimate the appeal of being able to shoot or throw potentially dangerous items, or even to just aim water pistols at a fort.

Having fun storming the castle.

Do not get me wrong, I wouldn't want to live without television, computers, electricity or flush toilets. But its nice to take a break once a year and remember what it essential and what is convenient.

Plus its just so much fun.

Trivial Pursuits

All my life I have been obsessed with trivia. My pursuit of trivia has taken two routes, accumulating random facts, and obsessively learning everything I can about any subject I am interested in. Books, articles, Internet searches, I check it all out. A long time ago my relatives refused to play Trivial Pursuit or any other trivia game with me. (The kids play trivia games, but the prefer specific topics sets  like Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit.  My daughter beat the pants of me at Twilight Trivia ) 

It probably started when I was a kid, watching  baseball. No other sport is as obsessed with trivia. Plus my dad was absolutely fascinated with trivia also, especially sports and history. I was able to easily learn things like the 12 Olympians and their attributes, the order of the Presidents of the United States, various Oscar winners,the line of descent of the Queen of England.

Really good trivia is more than just obscure facts.  The best trivia relies on a twist, or an unexpected outcome, some foreshadowing of the future or an interesting sychronicity.

Here are 5 of my favorite pieces of trivia:

In the US and around the world today there are a number of  memorials  to fictional characters. Among the most famous are the statue of the Little Mermaid in Denmark, and the statues of Peter Pan in children's parks all over the world. One of the most adorable is the statues of Mrs Mallard and her children marching into the Boston Public Garden just as they did in the book Make Way for Ducklings. (Theres Jack, and Kack, and Lack, and Mack, and Nack, and Ouack, and Pack and Quack) All over England, and at the Reichanbach Falls in Switzerland there are markers honoring events in the life of Sherlock Holmes. And in front of the Port Authority Transit Center in  New York city there is a statue of Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden, TV's most famous bus driver.


The most famous of all sled dogs, Balto, was sold to a circus after his sledding days were over and was being kept along with some of his fellow dogs in poor conditions in California when they were found by a Cleveland businessman. He went home and organized a fundraising drive to bring the dogs to Cleveland. It was successful and Balto and six of his sled mates were brought to Cleveland where they lived out their lives in comfort at the Cleveland Zoo. There is a statue of him, at the Zoo, in addition to the more famous statue in Central Park, and Balto himself can be seen, mounted,  at the Cleveland Museum of Natural History, where he is one of the favorite exhibits.


The career of the great 19th actor Edwin Booth was overshadowed forever by his younger brother, who assassinated Abraham Lincoln. Also forgotten in the shuffle was an act of heroism by Edwin, rescuing a young man who had fallen on the railroad tracks in Jersey City, NJ. The young man turned out to be Robert Todd Lincoln,  Abraham Lincoln's eldest son.

Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain was a college professor who volunteered for the Civil War and received a commission as a Captain, was a General by the end of the war, and received the Medal of Honor for holding the Union line on Little Round Top at Gettysburg. He was also wounded 6 times during the war, most seriously at the siege of Petersburg when he was shot through both hip, the bullet damaging just about everything in between. He not only survived, but got back to his troops in time to figure in several more major battles and to receive the Southern Troops surrender at Appomattox. The Petersburg wound never really healed though, and he dealt with it for the rest of his life, while serving as governor of Maine, President of Bowdoin College, and head of the Maine Militia (putting down a major riot trying to take over the Statehouse), He died as a direct cause of the Petersburg wound in 1914...50 years after he was wounded. He was the last known veteran to die of a Civil War wound.

John Adams and Thomas Jefferson were friends, rivals, and at the end of their lives friends again. Both were greatly involved in the process of getting the Declaration of Independence approved by Congress, Jefferson as its chief author and Adams as its chief advocate. They were also the 2nd and 3rd Presidents of the United States. Both men died on the same day, July 4th, 1826, the 50th anniversary of the ratification of the Declaration of Independence. (and by the way, the President at the time was John Quincy Adams,  John Adams' son.)

I could go on and on with this (and no doubt will in some other post some time) but for now, tell me: Do you have a favorite piece of trivia? Some interesting coincidence that just seems to good to be true?  I would love to hear about it.

DERBY DAYS

So they ran the 75th Soap Box Derby yesterday. Winners came from all over the country including Wisconson, Indiana, California, and some local kids from Ohio who made good. There is aiso a Super Kids Classic where children with disabilities race with partners. They may not nail wheels onto crates anymore but there is something appealing about 21st century kids relying on gravity alone to get ahead.

When bad things happen...

I was going to write about the Soap Box Derby today, it being a big deal here in Northeastern Ohio, but I can't. Everything I  could have said has been completely driven out of my mind by the horrible events in Aurora,Co.  Although these tragedies shock and sadden us, they longer surprise us in the way they once did. Every time such things happen, I find myself juggling multiple reactions at once...reacting as a mom, and as a 911 operator, and also in some way to the setting where it occurs, be it a restaurant, a summer camp, a school or now at a movie theatre.

When something like this happens we are changed forever by how it happens and where it happens. We distrust people who fit our picture of what happens. (though we never seem to be as worried about white males with access to guns as statistics suggest we should be) The vary randomness of the circumstances disturb us. Its not like the victims were on the wrong side of town or engaged in illegal behavior. They were in a seemingly safe place, that suddenly became unsafe.

As a lover of films I find it especially jarring that this happened in a theatre. A place to have fun with friends, the escapism of a good film, the excitement of attending a premiere, all violated forever. Once something like this happens we can never completely dismiss it. Just I cannot to this day sit down and watch a Monday Night Football game without remembering the Monday night in December 1980 that Howard Cosell told us of John Lennon's murder; so I will not be able to go in a theatre or read anything about this movie without thinking at least momentarily about the tragedy.

As a 911 operator, I look on events from a more professional perspective as well. I have attended workshops on how to handle these sorts of incidents, have had to watch security tapes of shooting incidents to learn about how they evolve and how police officers and EMS personnel respond. Every time the media releases 911 calls I listen to them, marvelling at how well the call takers manage to handle the calls. (I marvel at callers too. Most do astounding jobs in the face of chaos conveying vital information.) Whenever these incidents occur, I find part of me remains apart from the emotional aspects of things, and totally drawn into the workings of the Police and Fire Departments.

Its our perspective  as parents that gets us where we live of course.  When children (especially) are harmed in a seemingly safe place it is the stuff of our nightmares. Although neither of my children are Batman fans, they have gone to midnight showings of other movies, and the daughter is already nagging me about the Breaking Dawn 2 premiere this fall. Of  course we read about these horrific things and picture our children involved. Of course we worry about what can go wrong the next time. Children have no idea what an act of courage it is on the part of their parents to ever let them out of the house. But of course we have to. They have to go out and have lives. We can minimize risks as much as possible, but can't eliminate them completely. They have to go out into the world.

A few years ago, some Boy Scouts were killed and others  injured when a tornado hit the camp they were taking a leadership training class at. The upside of the story is that the other boys immediately began rescuing and giving first aid to their friends. My son had taken the same training at our local camp and more than one person told me that when they heard the story they had thought of my son, that it was just the sort of activity he would be in attendance at, and didn't I worry something like this could happen. My response was always, yes I did, but I could only hope that if something like that did happen he would be one of those scouts following their training, and doing what he could to help. We can't completely shelter our children (or ourselves) from danger, so we have to make sure they know the right things to do when confronted by it.

A Day Out

Spent the day with my daughter and my aunt at the art museum. We had a very nice time despite the 65 year age range.

Toured the museum and went to lunch and enjoyed ourselves. My daughter was told by her great aunt that she had been delightful company, always a happy thing for a mom to hear. Just a sunny, pleasant, good to be a mom day.

Desert Island Reading

As I have previously noted, there are  a lot of books around the house, and I am always looking for more.  And although I do intend to downsize at some point, it certainly wont be to the radical point of this sort of exercise. And yet its a good thing with any possession to stop and think, occasionally, what objects do I treasure the most and just would not do without.

Exercises of this sort are usually proposed upon the lines of: you're moving to a desert island (or going into space on a long term journey) and packing room is limited. Which 5 books do you choose to take with you? More generous versions (such as the one in the Book of Lists) allow for a small group library with an encyclopedia, a Bible or other religious book, and the complete works of Shakespeare. So will I, if only cause it gives me more flexibility. Series books count as one if they are available in a single volume.

After considerable agonizing I whittled the list down:

1) The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers. Simply the most important book I have ever read. Why we need myths, what we can learn from them, why diverse cultures throughout history have told the same tales over and over, and so much more is in this book. The interview style makes it more accessible for many people than some of Campbell's work can be, plus its a good one volume summary of most of his writings. For me the book has given my life structure and meaning beyond mundania. The road map of my soul.

2) I, Claudius and Claudius the God by Robert Graves. Thank goodness there is an omnibus edition of  so I didn't have to use 2 choices up on one writer's work. It was hard enough narrowing down from to these 2 from Graves many works of poetry and fiction. But I can't go to the desert island without my dear friend Claudius, which is exactly how one feels about him when these books are finished. Few works of fiction ever brought a time  period and its people more to life.This is one of the works I read at least once a year. For me one of the signs of a good book is that I leave wanting more, and I never finish these books without wishing Graves had more to say about the Imperial Caesars.

3) The Complete Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle. It was rough choosing from my many favorite detective writers, but only with Holmes can I get so much: 56 short stories and 4 novels.  Besides being the basic founding work of the genre, Doyle was a great creator of characters and atmosphere. The chemistry between Holmes and Watson has been bettered only once in detective fiction, by Rex Stout. (I couldn't decide on a single book  by him though.) I read Holmes most years too, and he's great company, though I will miss Wolfe and Goodwin and Queen and Alleyn and Father Brown when I get to that island.

4) The Lord of the Rings J R R Tolkien. Although this is available in a single volume (And Tolkien intended it too be a single book, it was the publishers who broke it up) I haven't found a single volume edition that includes The Hobbit so someone needs to get on the ball. I first read this in high school, and spent a pleasant summer reading it aloud to my little sister, and have returned to Middle Earth many times since. Like Harry Potter this is a work I have shared with my children as well, both the books, and the superb films. For all the times I have read it, I always find new things. Like most great epics its actually better once you know how it ends and can relax and observe the journey.

5) This of course is the hardest choice, a 10 way tie at least. The choice is so hard. My favorite work of the last 10 years is Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, but can I really take just one book from a set without the others? Can I take The Killer Angels without the volumes that bookend it? Trying to narrow down to just one book by David McCullough or William Manchester leaves me longing for the others. Finally I decide to take the mammoth coffee table size The Civil War, the companion volume to the Ken Burns series (not without a pang for Baseball) The text is excellent and the photos extraordinary. Like any great history work, it puts the reader in the time and place of the narrative, but it also raises important questions about what we became out of those events.

So what about you? What books would you take. And for all you Kindle/Nook users out there who are about to say that the infinite capacity of your device renders this little debate meaningless, lets present it this way: What if you could only afford to put 5 books on your device? What would you choose and why?

Lulabyes That Won't Make Your Head Hurt

Recently Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom was blogging about Kiddie music that made her crazy. It started me thinking about the music my kids listened to when they were young. For the most part we insisted on control of the remote, particularly where a certain purple dinosaur was concerned. But we were gifted with several kidz Bop and Wee Sing Cd's that could easily make a mama crazy. But for the most part I was able to find fairly tolerable music choices for the kids and would like to share a few.

You can't ever go wrong with Sesame St, The Muppet Show, or Fraggle Rock, all aimed at kids but never boring. Seek out the early Sesame St when people like Joe Raposo were writing classics like Sing a Song and Its Not Easy Being Green. Another one we sang endlessly was I Don't Want to Live on the Moon.  There is the added joy for parents of hearing the characters voiced by the original Muppet performers, but Elmopalooza is a nice compilation of human performers dueting with various Muppets. The Muppet Movie sound track has some great music on it, both fun and serious, and no child should grow up without The Rainbow Connection.  If you want to get a little deeper, Fraggle Rock has some of the silliest, and some of the deepest, music ever made for kids. For the most part any  show from Children's Television Workshop or Henson Associates usually has decent music.

Most of the music I played for the kids when they were small came from mainstream musicians who recorded kids albums or individual kid songs. We also put together cassettes and Cd's of singles when whole albums weren't available (this is what folks did in the days before MP3 play lists)

Kenny Loggins Return to Pooh Corner came out just before our son was born, so we acquired a copy. In addition to his rerecording of House at Pooh Corner (in which the boy from the original song finally gets back home after giving his bear to his own small child) it featured recordings of a number of classic songs suitable for children, including The Rainbow Connection,Pure Imagination from Willie Wonka  (Gene Wilder even does a cameo as Willie Wonka), The Last Unicorn, Somewhere Out There, and John  Lennon's Love.

Peter, Paul and Mommy   (Peter,Paul and Mary) is maybe the best kids album ever. With a combination of folk songs and original pieces, the album deservedly won the Grammy for best children's recording. Admittedly too many choruses of "Going to the Zoo" on a trip to the zoo can make you a little squirrelly, but overall this album stands up to massive replaying. It was a favorite of mine as a kid also, and I have to say that I have owned copies of this album in every format except 8tracks. My kids favorites from the album were All through the night, Day is Done, and of course Puff the Magic Dragon. A favorite of my children that isn't on that album is Stewball.    I have to add that most Peter Paul and Mary recordings are great for kids. This is where my kids first heard Blowing in the Wind, If I had a Hammer, and This land is Your Land among many other classics.


And some individual songs...

Baby Tree--I first learned this song from a guitarist friend who only later told me it was originally recorded by Paul Kanter and Grace Slick. It is one of the cutest baby songs I have ever heard though, and has a great melody to sooth a child to sleep.

Scarlett Ribbons--One of my daughters favorite songs when she was small, this ballad of a father who hears his daughter wish for ribbons in her bedtime prayer, and worries thru the night that he cant fulfill the wish, only to have her find the ribbons on her pillow in the morning . Harry Belafonte did a superb recording of the song, with a nice Caribbean flavor.

City of New Orleans--I traveled a lot by Amtrak when the kids were small and they loved trains so this song was a natural for them.

Wonderful Baby by Don McLean

Circles by Harry Chapin

The Unicorn by the Irish Rovers (The Irish Rovers have a lot of songs that are great for kids, by the way, including The Biplane Evermore, and  Stop, Look, and Listen, but this is the classic. Other people recorded it too, but theirs is the best.

So these are some of the songs I sang or played repeatedly to the kids without losing my mind. What songs did you play?

Beautiful

      Recently my beautiful daughter turned 13. Now all children are  by definition beautiful, at least to their parents. But somewhere over the years, both from my own observations, and from the comments of others, I came to realize that the child I is, quite objectively, beautiful.

Just as I was prepared, as a mom, for a child who would turn out to be just about anything but a ballet dancer (a whole different post); I wasn't really prepared to have a daughter who was beautiful. On my best days as a child I managed cute, later maybe handsome, but never beautiful. And that's been true of most girls in my family. Cute maybe, pretty maybe, but not beautiful. I knew all the speeches people make to comfort the homely child: "You are so good at other things" or "Let people see your inner beauty". All these supportive cliches I knew from my own youth.

My daughter, however, hit the jackpot in the gene pool and took after her dad's side of the family in looks and got the best of both sides in everything else. As a baby she was the near duplicate of her aunt, my husband's sister, and my niece, all of them blessed with lovely blond hair (once it finally came in) and high cheekbones. She took after her dads side on the body build too, short in body but long legs and arms, a perfect dancer body. Then on top of everything else she turned out to be smart and musical. I felt like I had some sort of fairy changeling on my hands. If I hadn't given birth to her I'd have wondered if I'd had any input in the process at all.

One day when she was about 10 my mother said to me "Don't tell her I said this but she is really beautiful". I told her we had been trying to keep it from her but I thought she had figured it out.  Others notice too. That girl is really beautiful they say, with a small note of astonishment. I can already see the young males giving her that second glance in public, though she seems unaware as yet.

Having a child who is really attractive has its own problems.You worry more about boys for one thing. You worry she will become more egotistical, that she will lord it over the less gifted. And you worry she will try to get by on her looks and let other things side. And somewhere deep in the mothers heart you worry that you won't measure up, especially as they (and you) get older.

When we see the ugly duckling/swan story told in the media it's usually about beautiful and talented mom and the Plain Jane child who has to live up to her. But try flipping the story for a moment. Think what it is to be the rather plain and not at all svelte mom of the beautifully proportioned and gifted child. Some times it seems like she took all the best of both sides of the family and perfected it. That's a wonderful gift from the muses, but its also a lot to keep up with.


It is not that I am not proud of her. Just ask any of the friends who have to hear me go on about her (and her brother) at all opportunities. And I don't think there is really any jealousy on my part; I came to terms with the me that I am a long time ago. I do perhaps envy her the trials of the popular she complains of, the juggling of multiple friends and the stresses of so many expecting so much of her in music and dance and academics.

Because I was nearly 40 when she was born, we also deal with the "my mom is old" issue. I think this issue is a much bigger deal for girls than for boys. I'm told I look good for my age, but what meaning does that have to a teenager who thinks anything over 30 is ancient?  There have been times when she has pretended not to know me on the bus or in the store once she spotted friends in the area. I know this is often true of any pre-teen, they are all mortified to acknowledge the existence of parents (except of course on payday),  But it is still hard. We want to be heroic in our children's eyes, and we want them to convey that to their friends also. Such feelings take a tumble when you head for the front of the bus and your kid goes to the back door. When she gets older, will we embarrass her? Not in the classic "let me show you naked baby pictures" that it is the parents prerogative to embarrass the kids with, but in the deeper sense. I hope not.

My greatest fear is that she will be like so many attractive women, always dissatisfied with her looks and trying to fix what is already perfect. Or that she will be afraid to trust the affections of others because they might only be interested in her looks. (On the flip side dear, don't be too quick to trust them either. Dang its hard being a parent.)

There are no answers of course. She and I will both no doubt revisit these issues, together and separately the rest of our lives. Because that's my beautiful daughter.

Fashionably Wasted on Me

Sometimes I think I need my own personal Tim Gunn to make me over.  I realize that even as a plus size person of somewhat limited means (as far as clothes shopping goes) I'm still not dressing that well. On the other hand, I suspect that even with a full makeover only so much would be accomplished. That's because I have come to believe there is a certain intangible at work here. You cant buy it, you cant learn it, you either have it or you don't.

I have a friend who looks good in everything I have ever seen her in. Its not an issue of new or old, designer or Kmart, its just something about the wearer that projects "I'm cool and I know it." wear Anything that might look odd on other people looks cool or even edgy on her. She epitomizes the great Will Smith quote from Men in Black "The difference between me and you is that I make this look good."  And yet I know she agonizes over what to the grocery store. It just doesn't show.

I lack the intangible whatever it is that allows me to pull this sort of thing off. If I wear 2 different earrings, it doesn't look edgy it looks like I didn't check the mirror this morning.  I have a cute tank top that is plain in front and has a lacy butterfly pattern up the back, On me it just looks like I put it on backwards. I won't even go into the effect of Asymmetrical tops or skirts. They look like I totally don't know how to dress myself. Yet classic looks just leave me looking dowdy, not classic.

My work wardrobe doesn't help. We wear uniform polo shirts that must be tucked into uniform pants, dividing the body right where no plus sized woman wishes to be divided. Add the thick leather belt and I look like a pillow tied tight in the middle. So I do look better in my off hours, mainly because one could hardly look worse. I usually opt for an untucked shirt or tunic, with shorts or slacks, or a sundress. The calves don't look bad, and I have some cleavage, so its everything in between that needs camouflaging. I opt for blue a lot to bring out my blue eyes, my best feature. 

But I lack the ability to project a sense of style. I truly believe one is either born with it or deprived for life.  My friend has it, my daughter has it, I lack it. Clothes on me are just clothes, and no matter how hard I try they will never be a fashion statement. I'm not really upset or saddened by this, just aware.

But if Tim Gunn ever wants to do the fashion version of Restaurant Impossible, I'm game.

Old Friends

So those who read my post from last week (Story of a Friendship) detailing the ups and downs of one particular friendship may wonder if Meg can keep a friend at all. The answer is yes, I have several old and dear friends whom I do not think will ever prompt me to vent in such a way.

One of my friends is from college. Time and careers separated us for a while, but the twin wonders of the Internet and texting have kept us in mostly daily touch for  the last three or four years. Its been a wonder how we have picked right up again where we left off, but as the adults we are, not the kids we were. On the other hand she hasn't forgotten the person I was striving to be in college and challenges me to move beyond just mom and job.  Both of us have families, and its been a joy to have someone else who is struggling with many of the same things at the same time, or who has already been there and can give a hopeful word.  Having her back in my life has been one of the luckiest events of the past few years for me.

I have a best work friend too. We have worked together for nearly 20 years, and so have endured a lot of job related trials together. She is one of those rare people I can discuss anything with, and not offend her, and she knows she can do the same with me. Many of our conversations begin with "I am saying this to you because no one else will understand". She has my back in the workplace too. When choosing our shifts, consideration of the days I will have off takes a back seat to trying to stay on the same shift as she does, so I know I have a friend in the house.

I have another very good friend, some 20 years younger than me. She was originally dating another friend of mine, that didn't last but thankfully everyone remained friends. In some respects I was able to mentor her, a nice reversal for me, although in other areas she knows far more than me. She now has small children that we get to spend a lot of time with, and its fun to watch her and her partner grapple with the ins and outs of parenting.

I have another friend, who is almost the same number of years older than me. She is an extra grandmother to my kids, and a great friend to me. She also has a lot of  arts experience, but unlike my husband and myself, much of it is in dance, so she has been a great encouragement to our daughter and has given great advice to us regarding her training.

Finally what prompted me to write this piece, today, is that its the birthday of my oldest friend of all. We first me at my christening when she was 2 and I was 3 weeks old. As you might guess, our mothers are best friends too, and have been for more than 60 years. For all those years our families have been closely connected. We never lived in the same town, and have mostly communicated by mail all through the years, only occasionally seeing each other, but no matter how long we are apart the connection is always there. She teaches school in a small town, and is currently raising 3 grandchildren in addition to her job. One of the best people I know, and I'm lucky to have had her in my life  all these years. She lets me hold on to the best of my past as a foundation for the future. Happy birthday my friend, and thanks to all you ladies for making my life better.

Now Watching: Adventures of Robin Hood

Since we are heading to the Pennsic War in 2 weeks I am warming up with some period films starting with this, maybe the best swashbuckler ever made. The cast is awesome including Errol Flynn, Basil Rathbone, Claude Rains, and Olivia de Havilland, all at their best. With awesome sets, a witty script, one of the best sword fights ever, all in glorious Technicolor. Almost 75 years old it looks new. The 13 year old watching with me noted similarities to The Princess Bride, and upon hearing Flynn get off a snotty comment said he was a 13th century Will Smith.

NOW READING: Cleopatra's Nose

"Cleopatra's Nose" by Daniel J Boorstin is a series of essays that explores the unexpected in American History. (The title is drawn from the philosopher who observed that had Cleopatra's nose been shorter the history of the world would have been differant.) Topics like the development of Washington DC as a capital, the role of the printing press in the debate over the Constitution, and the modern era as an age of negative discovery all give new perspectives on history. I previously read "Hidden History" by the same author, also excellent. Both books are reminders that small events can alter history.

The Fairness Doctrine

Although I wouldn't trade either child for anything on earth, there is one area that I envy the moms of only children, namely they don't have to walk the tightrope of fairness that moms of more than one do.

Soon after my second child was born, I learned that all children are born with a set of internal scales  which allows them to weigh, at any time, the treatment siblings are receiving in comparison to themselves.

This can extend to such things as the age they could date, the size of their rooms, the ages certain possessions were acquired (bikes, laptops) and even who got their favorite meals fixed more often for dinner.  Such favoritism (as they see it) is not tempered in anyway by expense or other considerations. If one kid's favorite dinner is homemade french fries while the other's is steak guess who gets their favorite dinner more often? If one plays football while the other runs track, who gets more money spent on gear?  Personally as a child I resented sharing a bedroom with 2 sisters while my brother had his own, just because he was the only boy.

The instinct is especially pronounced in eldest children, since they have been there all along and think that the younger sibs always get it better than they did. To some extent they are right, the younger sibs do get it better. There are several reasons for this:

 Prosperity.  Unless one is caught in the economic downtrend, or have other family issues going on, parents are generally making more money by the time younger sibs come along. This is especially true when there is a wide age range between kids...My youngest sister is 9 years my junior, and my mom worked full time through her childhood. By the time she started high school the rest of us were long since out of the house. Naturally there were more resources available.

Relaxation. Face it, we are more uptight with that first kid. We guard them from everything that can possibly go wrong in the world. We escort them to the school door, interview friends' parents before we let them go to parties, buy everything brand new because we are afraid there have been recalls. We would wrap them in cotton wool till they turned 21 if we could. Firstborns are without a doubt guinea pigs for parents still trying to figure out what works. When we get to number 2 (or more) we relax a bit, in part because nothing too catastrophic happened to number 1.

Holding On. This is especially true of youngest children. The first born we want to see grow up and mature. Often we need them to do so quicker, to help with the younger children. With the last child we tend to hold on longer, keep them a child longer, because they are our last chance to enjoy being a parent. The irony is that since they are exposed to their older siblings and their friends, they tend to want to be treated as older  sooner.

Within our own family I hear about fairness issues all the time. The eldest got his first laptop at 14 and helped to pay for it, so his younger sister should have to do the same. The younger child complains her room is too small compared to her brother's. (I tend to not have much sympathy on this one as she at least has her own room. ) We make the younger one go to bed sooner than we did the older one at the same age (the older one never seemed to need as much sleep.) And I wont even begin to get into the endless debate of devotion of parental time and resources between his baseball and her ballet.

The late great Erma Bombeck wrote 2 columns that addressed far better than I the parental battle to be fair. (Both can be read at this link Erma Bombeck on the Favorite child) In one she tells  each child the different reasons why they are her favorite. In the other she explains that the favorite child is always the one that needs us most just then.

Of course it doesn't matter to the kids. It never will unless they too someday  have more than one child and find out that we always do love each of them the best .

Officially Fabulous

The absolutely Fabulous Mod Mom Beyond Indiedom has given me the Fabulous Blog Ribbon, for which I profusely thank her. I am utterly amazed and flattered and am going to try to get this right: 

 

Here's the rules:

1. Post the rules on your blog

2. Name 5 of your most fabulous moments either in real life or in the blogosphere.

3. Name 5 things you love

4. Name 5 things you hate

5. Pass the ribbon on to 5 other bloggers

Name 5 of your most fabulous moments either in real life or in the blogosphere.

1. Getting a Gold Star Award for 911 call taking twice from the Ohio Chapters of NENA and APCO . As I have mentioned before on my blog (and no doubt will again) 911 operators don't get a lot of recognition, and it means  alot to us when we do. The second award was especially sweet because it was for teamwork and I shared it with my best work friend.

2. Earning my Wood Badge award from the Boy Scouts of America. Its the highest earned award for adults in scouting. I never got to be an Eagle Scout (for obvious reasons) and the Girl Scouts didn't have a Gold Award back when I was a member, but when the put the beads around my neck I felt like I had truly accomplished something.

3. Getting my bachelors degree. It took me 10 years (to the day) from my high school graduation to get there, but I was the first college graduate in my immediate family and boy did it feel good. My future husband got his degree on the same day so it was doubly fabulous because we shared it.

4. Seeing Richard Harris live on stage in Camelot when he was touring it in the 80's, and getting his autograph. Its the only time I have gotten to see an actor in a signature role perform live, plus my kids think its cool I got Professor Dumbledore's autograph.

5. Its a tie, either sitting up late with my son watching the Red Sox finally beat the curse of Babe Ruth (if the Indians ever win a world series again, that would go here) or reading the last Harry Potter book aloud to my daughter a chapter a night, for a month. Bigger thrill is that my son listened too, even though he had already read it.

Name 5 things you love

1.The Beatles


2.Movies, especially Black and White ones that I can torture kids with.


3.History, all of it, but especially English and American. This includes medieval recreation with the Society for Creative Anachronism. Everyone should spend a couple of weeks a year living in the Middle Ages, both to appreciate the AC and flush toilets when they get home, and also to recognize what we have lost in the name of progress.


4.Baseball


5.Books. Books Books

  Name 5 things you hate

1. Uncivil discourse, particularly questioning the patriotism of others just because they don't agree with you. Branding war heroes as traitors to their country just because they oppose you politically is about as rock bottom as it gets.


2. Intolerance.  As a student of history I do find it amusing to watch the same arguments being used over and over against different groups of people. Politically or religiously I get off the boat when you said you are the only one who is right.


3. Casual and Random profanity. I'm all for it when called for, it actually can reduce the blood pressure, and alleviate pain when you hammer your thumb, but if you listened to the number of people throwing around the F word and the N word on a daily basis as I do you would understand what I mean. Being called a B*%$# on the phone because there isn't a cruiser available right this minute for a loud music call loses all meaning when its the 4th time it has happened today. And along with that, young ladies, when you tell me the former object of your affection who is beating down your door is "Nothing to me but my baby's daddy" that reflects worse on you than on him.


4.Unnecessary, stupid and useless movie remakes. I am talking movies like the Psycho remake, which copied every shot but filmed in color or the remake of Clash of the Titans, which ruined the whole movie by casting a lead who looks 10 years too old for what is a coming of age story, or  the hideous remake of The Wicker Man that simply threw out everything that was good about the original movie, transplanted it senselessly to America, and let Nic Cage give the most absurd performance of his career.


5. Seeing friends and family members get hurt needlessly. Calculated cruelty bothers me far more directed at others than at myself.  

The 5 bloggers I am Passing the ribbon on to:

Nick Sheridan's This is where the Voices Go

Somewhat Sane Mom

Coffee and Cashmere

List 17

Dad by Trade

My old house

I'm a great lover of technology and progress in many ways. But there are things that I don't like to have new. One is my house. The house we live in is going to be 100 years old next year.  When we looked at houses there were several listings that were new houses, but we passed on them for this house instead. There were several reasons for the old house besides simply not wanting to break a new one in:

1. affordability-generally speaking (unless you are talking historic properties) you pay less for the older house than the comparable one. In addition it was in a old neighborhood (all the houses were thrown up about the same time) and several beautiful oak and maple were planted on the devil strip (tree lawn to the rest of you folks).

2 The added quality details. The walls are plaster, not fiberboard. It makes it harder to hang pictures but other than that its nice.  All the windows and doorways have wood frames. The dining room has a wood window seat and built in glass front cabinets. These are luxuries in modern homes.

3More, if smaller rooms. Our  family is an extended one, and we were looking for a house that would hold 4 adults and 2 kids, preferably with everyone getting a space of their own. Newer houses are built with great room and several large bedrooms, but the house we found has 6 bedrooms, plus a living room that is separate from the kitchen, and doors that shut.

Now I readily admit their are downsides....the house is drafty for one thing, and there aren't nearly enough electric outlets, and only one bathroom, and the kitchen is too small. In fact the deep freeze is in the dining room because there are neither electric outlets nor space to put it in the kitchen.

 If we go to sell it someday it will no doubt require considerable work, or else go out as a handyman's special.But its worth it to reside in a house with some character, a feeling that someone has been here and would be there after us.

However right now I have to go put a bucket under the leak in the attic, just in case it finally rains.

It's Too Darn Hot

The temperatures today actually topped 100 degrees, a rare occurrence in northern Ohio.

So how hot was it?  The was a 3ft iguana spotted sitting in a tree. He was probably the only creature in town who liked the weather. Speaking of critters we had white mice (for the snake) die of heatstroke between the pet store and home (a 20 minute drive). When my husband and son went back for replacement they put a cooler pack in the carrier. You know its hot when you are chilling warm blooded critters so they live long enough to be fed to your cold blooded critters.

 A friend washed a mesh kitchen mat and laid it outside to dry...it started melting.

From the dispatcher point of view hot weather makes people cranky.  Cranky people fight, then call 911.

Some of this is funny but there have been some spectacular storms which have done nothing for the temperatures and have caused major power outages. Power outages mean no fans or AC and several deaths have been attributed to the heat. The good news is we are supposed to catch a break tomorrow with a high of 87. And as one of my friends said "You know its a heat wave when 87 sounds cool."

Add note: Sunday Night I discovered that an unlit taper that was on my dresser had warped, at the base, till it bent into an L shape and toppled out of the candle holder. That's hot.

Update 2013: This was written in the summer of 2012, a very hot time indeed.  I was looking back over it this evening and it made me feel much better about the near 90's we have been having this week.  I even feel better about all the rain.

Slightly belated 4th of July Film Festival

One of the downsides of being a 911 operator is working the holidays (the upside of the downside is the holiday pay). Some holidays one really doesn't care, but there are holidays that one really doesn't want to have to work, and July 4th is definitely one of them. Between people who call asking when the official fireworks show is going to be, and people calling complaining about the unofficial fireworks show up the street, it tends to be a very hectic day, and doesn't allow much time for contemplation of the day. It also means missing the grand July 4th film marathon on TCM. But never fear, today we are off, we loaded the DVR last night go out some DVDs this morning and are ready to go.

1776--but of course. One of the best, most faithful adaptations of a musical to film, its also, for all the Broadway conventions, one of the most accurate retellings of the process of creating our country. And William Daniels is positively brilliant as John Adams. Besides, with this heatwave that's on right now, I truly appreciate that its "Hot as hell, in Philadelphia"

Yankee Doodle Dandy--It wouldn't be July 4th without this movie anymore than it would be Christmas without Its a Wonderful Life.Even as a young child, in the pre cable, pre VCR era, someone always ran this movie and we always watched because my dad loved James Cagney. However cynical one may be about some of Cohan's jingoism, it doesn't matter when watching the film. When remembers it began filming just as Pearl Harbor was being bombed, it adds a great urgency to many scenes. James Cagney's acting is only bettered by his dancing, a skill that most people wouldn't even realize he possessed were it not for this movie. The rest of the cast is excellent also. But its Mr Cagney's movie all the way, and he won one of the most well deserved Oscars in history.

Gettysburg-- People forget the events of Gettysburg took place just before the 4th of July, or that both sets of combatants considered themselves the true heirs of the Founding Fathers. Moreover if the Revolutionary War gave us a country, the Civil War determined the country it was going to be. The large scale battle scenes have never been bettered, the actors give amazing performances, and its all based on the best novel ever written about the Civil War (Sorry Stephen Crane, but I put The Killer Angels ahead of The Red Badge of Courage.)

Since 1776 and Gettysburg are both long films I have already shot most of the day. If my son were home we would have probably be watching The Patriot, but Mel Gibson annoys me so much any more that he ruins even good films for me. (though I do appreciate Jason Isaac's villainy.) I wish there were a Revolutionary documentary as satisfactory as Ken Burns' Civil War, but I may watch Founding Brothers, or one of the excellent History Channel documentaries on individual founding fathers. Or I may just curl up later with David McCullough's John Adams biography. They all all choices that honor who we are and how we got here, and I think that's what Patriotic Holidays are all about.

Thank You Mr. Adams

One of my favorite musicals is 1776. My favorite song "Is Anybody There?" allows John Adams to give his vision of independence and its celebration:


 I see fireworks
I see pageant and pomp and parades
I hear bells ringing out
I hear the cannons roar
I see Americans, all Americans, free forever more.

 Based in part on his letters, 1776  pays tribute to a man who had a vision of our country and agitated till he achieved it.

 Adams is often lost in the Founding Father shuffle behind Washington, Jefferson and Franklin, yet he gave as much as anyone. Writer, lawyer, diplomat, Vice-President and President he had the impossible task of following George Washington. He always spoke and did what he thought was right regardless of consequence whether defending British Soldiers after the Boston Massacre or defying congressional warmongers and making peace with France. And by peacefully turning his office over to his rival Jefferson he ensured the constitution would work

.So thank you Mr. Adams and enjoy your fireworks.

I like both Spiders and Snakes

Its a well known fact that its very hard to be a cool mom, especially where teenagers are concerned.This is especially true when you are possessed of one of each and what pleases one (getting to all his ballgames)  displeases the other (who wants to see you waiting outside all her ballet classes)But there is one area that I have always been considered by son, and even daughter, and most of their friends as a totally cool mom, and that is my tolerance of unusal pets.

Over the years there have been dogs, cats, turtles, birds, numerous fish, various species of geckos, iguanas, tarantulas, and most recently a ball python.The usual reaction of friends is "You've got to be kidding." or "Better you than me."  But the usual reaction of the kids' friends is "wow you have a cool mom."

And the truth is I kind of like all the reptiles and amphibians. I dont even mind the tarantulas as long as they stay in their cages

. The only creatures I really dont like are small 4 legged mamals. The kind you dont invite into your house but come anyway. I dont even really care for hamsters, guinea pigs or squirrels either. Squirrels are nothing but bushytailed rats as far as I'm concerned.Pigoens are rats with wings.


When my son was younger, he was afraid of dogs. And although we had cats in and out of our life, none were actually his. (Whether cats actually belong to anyone is a post unto itself) So when he was small we had various reptiles and amphibians. We had a couple small iguanas for awhile, but our most enduring relationship was with geckos. A popular kids nature show at the time was narrated by a gecko named Henry, so every gecko we had was named Henry. Over the course of about 4 years we had 7  geckos of various types (there was some overlap involved) all named Henry. When my son was 6 we aquired a Lab, who has been with us ever since
.

. She is now 12 and its showing, which may explain why the son (and his dad) have been taking a greater interest in exotic pets lately. There were the taratulas ELF (eight legged freak) and ORBIT (orange bity thing) Also  recently we had a leopard gecko also named Henry (thats up to Henry VIII if your keeping count.) When the last Henry died we decided to let the boy have his hearts desire and buy a snake. After some research, and analysis of his pocket book he settled on a ball python.

Of course he is very young yet, and only eats about 1 small mouse a week, but he is very fun to watch and so far has been enduring the attrociously hot weather just fine. But then snakes have never bothered me either. As previously mention, nothing much bothers me except rodents. In fact one of the vicarious pleasures of the snake is seeing him chase and capture his weekly white mouse.

Perhaps I shouldnt admit to all this. Perhaps the cool mom quotient would be higher if I claimed to hate the creatures but tolerated them anyway with that sacrificial mom squaring of the shoulders. But I would rather enjoy them as much as the kids do.

In fact I have been thinking of letting another turtle into my life.....