Usually moms at least get the consolation of Mother's Day, but I got up early in the morning of the second Sunday in May this year so I could accompany my husband while he dropped our daughter off at the middle school for the 8th grade trip to Washington, DC. That's my baby, off on her first major trip without any family members along. Then after dropping by to say my mom for a few hours, I spent the rest of the day helping my son finish his final Senior English project. (The word "final" has such, well, finality about it, when you are the mother of a Senior.)
This is the last month of school for the kids, or at least the last month they are doing any real work. There is nothing like the end of each school year to remind you how fast your children are growing. You put that last report card and the ribbon from the honors assembly into their scrapbook, and are reminded how much time has passed since September, let alone since you pasted that first kindergarten picture on the cover.
The Girl is promoting to high school next year. She auditioned for, and was admitted to the high school performing arts program for orchestra. This is a good thing, and very exciting, but it means she will be going to a different high school than all but a few of her friends next year, and she has been with some of these kids since she started grade school. So all of her 8th grade activities and field trips are colored by her thoughts that this will be the last time she does these things with her friends.
May is an even crueler month when you child is a High School Senior. As I write this the Boy is finishing up his last day of exams. There is much to look forward to, with his summer job and his fall college both lined up, and yet his days too are filled with melancholy reminders: school projects, final exams, final assemblies and more. Last weekend was prom. A year ago he looked like a kid playing dress up in the tuxedo, this year he looks grown up
and dignified, even if he doesn't feel that way.
The real gut-wrencher for both of us was last night, when the Boy played his last home game. He has been playing baseball since kindergarten, and except for a road game that we won't be able to attend, this was it. In a reasonably happy ending that I couldn't have invented (but wished awfully hard for) he caught the whole game, got two clean hits, and his team won, for only the second time this season. He was walking away, but at least he walked away happy.
There is a genuine bereavement in all this I think. Now matter how much we look forward to their future adventures (they are after all becoming the adults we raised them to be), we are losing the babies we cuddled and the children we nurtured and the teens were mentored. We mourn what we leave behind, even as we anticipate tomorrow.
And you savor the moment when you capture it like this. Those small nostalgic instants that add up to a beautiful lifetime of loving your family.
ReplyDeleteIt is in fact, a major reason why I write. I am thought in my family to have an excellent memory, yet there is so much of my childhood I just don't remember. because no one kept a record of it. I hope to do better for my kids.
DeleteSounds like you have been doing a lot right! And soon you'll get to reap the benefits when they become adults who will thank you!
ReplyDeleteAnd that is the upside of course. The process of watching the become adults is fascinating.
DeleteI can relate in my own small way...my oldest graduated from 3-year-old preschool today. It was a tiny bridge she walked over, but this mama didn't miss the significance. Good luck to you and yours during all of these transitions.
ReplyDeleteYou're right Kristin, it's the first of many such moments.
DeleteThese are big milestones you and your kids are facing. My daughter just finished 2nd grade, and 2 1/2 year old finished first year of preschool. It is going by so shockingly fast! And I have no idea what happened to the month of May.
ReplyDeleteI know whar you mean,May just flew by here, with all the concerts and awards cereminies, and projects and exams, and oh yes I went to work too.
DeleteThank Dana. At first you think the day will never arrive, then all of a sudden its here.
ReplyDeleteYep, the years, days, moments are speeding past, and I also have a ton of feelings about it all. Congratulations to your children and a hug to you.
ReplyDeleteWith our second out of four graduating HS this year, I am all too aware at how fast time slips away from us... it's awful!!
ReplyDeleteAwwww, I'm tearing up for you. My kid graduates preschool next week and I feel kind of blown away.
ReplyDeleteI cried when the younger one finished kindergarten, partly because it was saying goodbye to the wonderful teacher they both had, but also cause I knew it a step down the road.
Deletei all goes so fast. and you're exactly right, we look forward to each new adventure but mourn the ones that we can no longer experience. raising kids is so all-consuming and wonderful and crazy, and watching them become independent is so bittersweet. so sad! i mean wonderful!! congrats.
ReplyDeleteThey adapt to all these changes a lot better than we do, don't they? The day after the boy was graduated he announced that 1)he was bored, and 2) He was ready to head out to scout camp for his summer job. Ah well, they'll have kids one day and they'll understand.
DeleteI have a love/hate relationship with this post. I love it, because its a great post. I hate it because I have a 7yo whom I already miss in the future :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you Jen, and I know exactly what you mean. When my kids were that young I would have felt the same way.
DeleteAnytime something ends, grief is involved in one way or another, I think. Babies growing up - I can only imagine.
ReplyDeleteYou are right Natalie. Every step forward leaves something comfortable behind, but standing still is not an option.
DeleteI am right in the same boat with you. My boys graduated last year and the year before that, and they've both moved out of the house, so I'm down to my 8th - soon to be 9th - grader at home. In the thick of raising them, it seems like you'll never get there, but how quickly it zips by! I'm definitely grieving myself.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! It sounds like you've raised great kids :)
You are right. I never thought we'd get their either, but I can look at the days they were born like it was last week. And even though I mourn what's gone, I enjoy the terrific persons they are turning into. (Though the teenage girl still needs a little more TLC)
DeleteMay is a nuts month. I mostly think of it in terms of just busyness, but I hadn't thought of how each of those events is moving my kids forward. Eeeeep!
ReplyDeleteIts like load on the rites of passage why don't you world? Cause they weren't already growing up too darn fast.
DeleteCongratulations on your son's graduation and your daughter's acceptance! You must be very proud ~ and understandable sad. It all just goes by way too quickly and then they are on their own, the way they should be, but it is very hard not to miss them. I am trying to hold on to every day that I can. Is there a way to slow it down ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you Kim. It is a very conflicting muddle of proud and sad, (or Sorry/Grateful as Stephen Sondheim once put it.) You raise them to this point, then when it finally arrives you aren't ready for it. He is off to his summer camp job now, and then in about 10 weeks will be off to college. I know his stuff will still be all over the house, so he wont be truly gone, but its not the same thing.
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