S%*t I'm Not Allowed to Say or Do (According to My 13 year old)

Today is my daughter's 13th birthday and in her honor I would like to share this list of things my daughter has told me I am not permitted to say or do, at least in her presence.

Mother is not to say:

"Epic Fail" (or "epic" or fail")

"Sadness: (as a standalone observation)

"Don't judge me" (what she always says to us when we point out her various foibles).

Moreover I  am not to:

Have cool Clothes--or anything that matches her in any way. For example, recently I splurged on a little retail therapy and bought a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt sunglasses (on clearance of course, retail therapy is useless if I wind up feeling guilty) and the daughter's reaction to it was "You're too old for cool sunglasses." I said the lady whose name was on them was nearly 90, how could I be too old for them". I was favored with that teenage shake of the head as she walked away. Another day we were in Payless  looking for that second, half price pair of shoes, and I noticed that they had the tennis shoes she had picked out in her size. I suggested matching shoes, at which she turned white, and immediately went to find a different pair for herself. (I have used this against her though. One day when she couldn't decide on a second pair, I threatened to buy myself the pair of high tops with lime green trim over the graffiti print if she didn't decide. She had a second pair in 2 minutes)

Acknowledge her in anyway on buses if anyone she knows is also on the bus. I know when to not do this when she flops the dance bag/backpack/grocery bag next to her so I can't sit down on that seat.

Use her nickname (NOT Baby girl, I quit calling her that in public a long time ago, I mean the moderately abbreviated version of her given name) anywhere but home, or at least in front of people who don't already know its her nickname.

Pick my own accessories. (The maddening part of this is that I get lots of positive feedback when she picks things out for me, which then allows her to say "I told you so".)

I realize that of every post I have made to my blog, this is the one that is most likely to be repeatedly re-edited as time goes on. Nothing on earth is more in progress than a teenage girl.

Happy birthday Babygirl!

As noted above, this is a post in progress, just like she is. Currently I am not allowed to say "jeggings" especially in reference to anything I might say. ("Only kids say jeggings mom, say yoga pants.") The instructions on shopping state that I am not to pick clothes without either her, or my more fashionably conscious younger sister along.  When she approved recently of something I picked up on clearance at Penney's I was flattered even though it was phrased as "Holy cow my mother has some fashion sense". 

The mother/daughter conversation continues....